Baby Blues...When Do They Go Away?

How do you live with the knowledge that one of the things you want most in the world will never be yours? How do you learn not to want that thing?

I pray for peace, for resolution, for realization that I will never be a mom, but the yearning for a baby never goes away. Everyone tells me that I touch kids' lives, that I make a difference, but the problem is I have them for a little bit and then I lose them.

I try to get my Greg to understand why it bothers me so much, but he can't see it. He HAS a child, he IS a father. He vows that it will never happen to him again. He's taken steps to make sure it never happens again.

I love my stepson, please know that. That's what's so painful. I know he will never love me the way I want him to...he can't. I'm not mommy. I'm Charlotte. I'll never be anyone's mommy.

I think about my mom and my in-laws, and how I can't give them the joy of a grandbaby. Hell, Greg's ex-wife has given my in-laws two grandkids, and one of them isn't even Greg's. Don't think that doesn't rip my heart out. I'm glad they love the new baby, really glad--she's a beautiful and sweet little girl. but it hurts so much to know that I have nothing to offer them. I have no money, no babies, no talents...just me. I know they regret me marrying Greg, but I love him so much.

One of my Favorite Songs in the World...

the cure - pictures of you

Funny Video from "Ellen" Show--I love Jesus, But I Drink a Little

I LOVE JESUS (but I drink a little)!

Got a link from one of my students about this...This is an awesome clip from "The Ellen Degeneres Show" featuring Gladys--an 88-year-old Ellen fan who is so hilarious she should have her own show--enjoy!

Ellen DeGeneres ~ I Love Jesus But I Drink A Little (HQ)

Something I Noticed...

A while back, a long while back, I came to grips with the reality that a man I loved would never love me. I realized that no matter what I did I would never be who/what he wanted. It was one of the most devastating truths I've ever had to face.

It was so painful. I would cry every time I thought of him, which was almost constantly. I would drive past his house any chance I got, just to get a glimpse of him. I would try to get in touch with him every chance I could because I couldn't let go. I prayed to God that if this man couldn't love me, then I needed God to take that man out of my heart forever, to take the love and longing away so I wouldn't be in such pain.

I struggled along as best I could, and went on with life. A couple of months later, Greg entered the picture. The rest, as they say, is history.

The last time I saw that other man, I almost laughed out loud to think of the desperate love I used to have for him. I honestly could not relate to those feelings at all--it was as if someone else had whispered them to me in confidence--as if they had not been my own at all.

It was at that moment that I realized God had truly answered my prayers in the form of my husband Greg. Every day I love him more and more. I know I can count on him to stand by me through anything. I know he thinks I'm beautiful, and I know I am the only woman for him. I don't have to settle for being second choice; I'm his first choice.

I'm free from the past--and the feeling is amazing.

Long time, no post...

Wish I could say I've been performing miracles during my absence from this blog, but that would be a lie. I've been getting by...that's about the size of it.

Not to say I've been completely on autopilot, or completely in the depths of despair...I've just been so busy with the little ins and outs of life that I've not had anything I felt I should report.

I do, however, have an introduction to make--it's a little late, but it's no less heartfelt.

Welcome to the world, baby D.A.Z. We're happy you're here and so happy to meet you. You've been blessed with an amazing family, who will love you more than you will ever be able to know.

Photofunia--A Fun New Look

Ah, the fun you can have with a new website.

See the photo above, in the header of this blog? I would love to say I created it in some photo editing program, but I'm not that talented (or that patient). Truth is, it is the product of a great site called Photofunia which creates some cool, sexy, or downright hilarious images using your personal photos. You select a scene, upload your image, and viola! Instant photographic art. You can then save your created image to disk and use it on a blog, a social network like Facebook or Myspace, as a desktop wallpaper, etc. It's a great site, and lots of fun!

Jeepers, Creepers, How Can You Help Those Eyes?!?

Ah, the holiday season...time for food, fun, gifts, and gatherings with those we love. It's a great time of year--except for our poor little peepers.

This busy holiday season also usually means time for late-night revelry, stress, high emotions, arguing (come on, admit it--not everyone has a "Norman Rockwell" Christmas), allergies, and the ever-present lack of sleep. These can take a toll on our eyes, making them red, swollen, and puffy. Nothing prettier in those family photos, right? Ugh.

Here's a few home remedy ideas to help alleviate the redness, swelling, and puffiness in your eyes--during this busy season and any other time. **NOTE: these are home remedies, so use caution, as you need to take care when dealing with the delicate eye area. Keep in mind your general eye health, personal allergies (i.e., if you're allergic to it, DON'T USE IT), etc.

1. Milk does a body good--and it can be an awesome soother for your tired, puffy eyes. Just take a small bowl of milk (as cold as you can get it--icy cold is perfect), and dip cotton balls in the milk. Hold your head back and apply to your (tightly closed) tired puffy eyes. The coolness feels great! Replace the cotton balls a couple of times (or more, if you have time), and enjoy the cool sensation. Be sure to rinse your face with cold water afterward, and use your favorite moisturizer.

2. Speaking of moisturizer, if you use an eye cream/moisturizer, keep it in the fridge--you'd be surprised how much it will do for tired puffy eyes just because of the cold temperature. Use the cream as directed, and enjoy the cooling sensation.

3. Almost everyone has heard of the tried-and-true "cucumber slices on the eyes" trick for tired puffy eyes--and there's a good reason for that: it works. Cucumbers contain a natural astringent that helps smooth and tighten skin, and chiling the cucumber slices will make it so refreshing!

4. If you have an aversion to cucumbers, try chilled fresh strawberry slices--the berries also contain a skin-smoothing astringent and will soothe tired, puffy eyes. Just be sure you watch out for staining from the strawberry juice--fresh cold berries don't exude as much juice as room temperature ones, though.

5. I learned this one from an aunt--soak two teabags in ice cold water. While they are soaking, apply a small amount of olive oil to a cotton ball and gently stroke a light coat of oil on the under-eye area where there's puffiness. Gently squeeze the excess water out of the teabags, lie back, and place the teabags over your (shut) eyes. Leave on for 10 minutes, then remove and rinse/pat dry face.

6. The best defense against tired puffy eyes? Prevention! Avoid lots of salty foods, too much alcohol, or excessive amounts of caffeine. Try to get as much rest as possible, and drink lots of hydrating beverages--water, vegetable/light fruit juices, herbal tea.

Hopefully, both you and your "peepers" will survive the holidays with flying colors!