I pray for peace, for resolution, for realization that I will never be a mom, but the yearning for a baby never goes away. Everyone tells me that I touch kids' lives, that I make a difference, but the problem is I have them for a little bit and then I lose them.
I try to get my Greg to understand why it bothers me so much, but he can't see it. He HAS a child, he IS a father. He vows that it will never happen to him again. He's taken steps to make sure it never happens again.
I love my stepson, please know that. That's what's so painful. I know he will never love me the way I want him to...he can't. I'm not mommy. I'm Charlotte. I'll never be anyone's mommy.
I think about my mom and my in-laws, and how I can't give them the joy of a grandbaby. Hell, Greg's ex-wife has given my in-laws two grandkids, and one of them isn't even Greg's. Don't think that doesn't rip my heart out. I'm glad they love the new baby, really glad--she's a beautiful and sweet little girl. but it hurts so much to know that I have nothing to offer them. I have no money, no babies, no talents...just me. I know they regret me marrying Greg, but I love him so much.
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1 comment:
"I have no money, no babies, no talents...just me."
What you have, my dear friend, is a wonderful heart that's filled with caring and love. To me, that's worth more than all the money in the world.
And yeah, I know you'd make a great mommy. It's a small consolation, but consider yourself a wonderful surrogate "mom" to all your students and Greg's son.
*hugs*
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