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I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world, and I have a beautiful stepson that I love with all my heart.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Some poetry...

Found some of my old poetry while cleaning out files on my desktop computer.  Thought I would post some of it here.  Hope you enjoy it.



Divinity
by Charlotte Wooden (Hillis)

Your eyes reflect
my silent confessions
that only you can hear…

The anointment of your touch
restores in me a faith
I had not known since childhood…

On your lips, my name
is like a prayer that
guarantees my salvation…

Your presence in my life
has proven to me
the existence of Divinity.

Are you truly oblivious
to the halcyon effect
you have on my soul?


I had always heard
that all Saints knew
when they were touched by God.



The Ghost and the Silence
by Charlotte Wooden (Hillis)

Endless nights of dreams...
my heart cannot let you go.
Despite my efforts to forget them,
these dreams become the mantra
crossing my lips in sleep...
could it be those sweet lines
I breathe into the darkness
are fed into my ear one kiss at a time
by the ghost of your love--
born in this same darkness,
nourished by the fruit of passion,
killed by the Silence contained in the walls?
I remain forever haunted by this love
while the Ghost and and the Silence hold hands and smile
as they await the approach of daylight...



In an Instant
by Charlotte Wooden (Hillis)

It can all be taken
In an instant…

Don’t hold your breath;
even that is not
yours to own forever.

Shattered glass,
shattered dreams,
shattered visage of security.

What do you see
when you stare down
Death’s closed eyes?

What comes to mind
when there’s no time to think?
There are no answers,
only endless questions…

What meant the most?
Where did you go?
Who did you touch?
When did it begin?
Is this where it ends?

And the greatest question of all…


What have you let love teach you?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The More Frail They Are, the Harder They Fall...

Got a call at 5:30 this morning; didn't wake me--I had been up since 3:30.  It was my mama--she had fallen on her porch and dragged herself into the house to call us for help.  I woke up Greg and we rushed over.

When we arrived at her house, there were small puddles of blood on her porch--this worried me so much.  I hurried in and there she sat at the dining room table--she looked so pitiful.  Her left forearm was badly skinned up (there was at least a 4 x 5" laceration), she was shaking, and she had a HUGE knot swelling up over her left eye.   She also said that her left hip was hurting quite a bit.

Greg, bless his soul, bandaged her arm up while I packed her things and we took them and the dog to our house.  Then we proceeded with mama to the emergency room. 

About 4 hours later we came back to our house.  Her hip is not broken (Thank God!!), but she is badly banged up.  What she thought was causing her to get dizzy and fall is not inner ear, but in fact may be a malfuction of her pacemaker.  She is on a holter monitor for 24 hours to see if we can figure out what is happening.

She is so strong...I cannot believe all she has been through.  I only hope I can be as strong as she is when I am her age.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I am Purple Today...

I am purple today…

Purple is the color of sadness and passion mixed.

Friday, Greg, David and I went to the fair.  While walking around under the grandstand, we stopped by McAfee’s Photography booth.  We saw some photographs of people’s little girls dressed as spring fairies and autumn fairies, lying in rapt attention on the bank of a pond or frolicking sweetly through fields of fallen leaves.  I don’t know why, but for some strange reason these photos struck my heart like a razor-edged chord that played the sweetest, saddest song I’d heard in some time. 

I saw a little girl, MY little girl, fawn-haired, blue-green eyed, dressed like a precious fairy with a smile creeping across kewpie doll lips she got from her mama.  The tears overwhelmed me as if I had been picked up by the hair of my head and plunged into icy water.  I spoke to the lady from McAfee’s, mentioning how beautiful the fairy photos were.

She smiled and said, “do you have a little girl?”

God, that question was like an axe in my head.  I wanted to say, “no lady, I don’t have a little girl.  I want one, though, a beautiful little girl who looks just like a combination of me and her daddy, except I want her to be slim, willowy and graceful…I want her to be everything I never was.  I want her to be…damn it, I just want her to BE.  I just want HER.  I want to hold her and feel her smooth cheek against mine, smell the top of her little head, know I made this beautiful little thing. 

I know I have students who care about me, but then they grow up and leave.  I’m NOT their mama; they don’t come crying to me when they fight with each other, they don’t need me when they are scared of the monster under the bed, they don’t need me to cry with them when their little hearts are broken, they don’t laugh and spin in my arms with joy because I am simply “mama.”  They don’t come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays with their own babies on their hips.  I love them so, but eventually my students don’t need me anymore.  No matter how old you are, you always need your mama.

I walked from the photographer’s booth and made it a few steps before the tears really started to flow.  Greg asked what was wrong and I told him.  He grinned sheepishly and muttered something about “hormones.”  yeah, I’m sure that’s it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Calling All Angels...







Train


Calling All Angels


I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

When you can feel the world shake from the words that I said


And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels


And I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up


I need a sign to let me know you're here

Cause my tv set just keeps it all from being clear

I want a reason for the way things have to be

I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me


And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels


When children have to play inside so they don't disappear

While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we dont talk for years

And football teams are kissing queens and losing sight of having dreams

In a world where all we want is only what we want untill it's ours


And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels

And I'm calling all angels

(I won't give up if you don't give up)

And I'm calling all you angels

(I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels

(I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels

(I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels