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I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world, and I have a beautiful stepson that I love with all my heart.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

If I Could, Would I Change Anything?

My friend Dana wrote a wonderful post on her blog about the things in her life she would change if she could, and those she wouldn't change for anything. Imitation, as you know, is the sincerest form of flattery, and while I have a WHOLE PLANNING PERIOD WITH NOTHING TO DO--THANK YOU JESUS!!--I'm going to ponder this concept myself for a moment.

Of course we all know you can't go back to the past (and as we've seen from countless time-travel stories and movies, it's usually never a good idea to do so) but what if we could?

In thinking about this, I know for sure there are things I would never change, and some I regret--

  • I would marry my Greg again in less than a heartbeat. He is the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • I honestly would not change the time Greg and I married to an earlier year...I don't think I was ready to be a married woman until he came along, and I don't know where his heart was before I met him. I had a lot of heartache before Greg, but I had a lot of good times as well. I had times I wouldn't trade for anything. I learned to be my own person, to live independently, and to take care of myself. I learned about all aspects of romantic love--to love someone who didn't love me back, to be loved by someone who I didn't love, and to be in love with someone who wanted to be with me but couldn't. I've traveled, made friends, lost friends, made plans, broke promises, given my all, given up, given in, all in the pursuit of who I was to become. That's who Greg fell in love with. I can't change that, and don't want to.
  • I would have not given my mama such a hard time as a teenager. I was mean, smart-mouthed and awful at times, and I still apologize to this day about my behavior. I hate the way I treated her at times, and I regret the time I wasted that I could have spent with her.
  • I regret not listening to my own heart and mind which were telling me to become a teacher years and years ago. Instead, I listened to my guidance counselors from high school (no offense, guidance counselors) who told me I should be an accountant because I was "good with numbers" and I wound up flunking out and not going back for 16 years. Whenever I think of all the amazing years I could have had working with these kids, it makes me so sad.
  • I regret not standing up for myself when I was a fat little girl and people made fun of me. I was made to feel that I was less-than-human because I took up more space in the world, and I should have just told the people who treated me that way to shut up and leave me alone. Instead I would cry and beat myself up over it. If I had my time to do over, I'd let 'em have it!
And so it goes...all in all, I can't say there's much I would change, because all of it made me ME, which isn't so bad most days.

1 comment:

Dana said...

I so understand the last comment. How I still cringe when I remember hearing "Hey Dolly" or having my bra popped because of my Double D's. Even after surgery, I still cross my arms over my chest. Never goes away, does it? :(
Thanks for "stealing" from me. I'm flattered!